just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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