to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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