Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
