You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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