I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
