you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
