Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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