I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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