i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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