Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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