Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
