Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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