hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize