There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
