Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
