i dont even know how to be here
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
