I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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