Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
