I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
how does that bad decision feel?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
