i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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