I heard we made out
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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