i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
