so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
