can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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