I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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