i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
