I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
