Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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