Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
