You really coming over, don't trick.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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