You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
