just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
