No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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