Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We left an ass print on the piano.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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