thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
