The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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