Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
