I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
