i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
