so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
