I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
