6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
