got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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