people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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