Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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