Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
