im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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