omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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