i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize