i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
