it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
