Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
