like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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