I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
