so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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