dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize