Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
