kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize