Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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