Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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