if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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