Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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