I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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