Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
