Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
