she looked like the bat from fern gully.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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