we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
