I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
