So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
