The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
