i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
