What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
