My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
