You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
