loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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