I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize