the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
True strength comes from lack of pants
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
