He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
