hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize