Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
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