Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
