you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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