worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
