afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
