I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize